Thoughts

Ang Simula

October 04, 2017


How I feel as of the moment | Captured by Babet Olap at Marinduque

SIMULA (ᜐᜒᜋᜓᜎ) - beginning, origin, opening, start
- (my dictionary) ang pinakamahirap na sitwasyong hindi mo pipiliing mapuntahan/kalagyan; para lamang sa matatapang


Deciding to end a relationship, a project, a dream, is not at all easy. 

Starting over, however, is much more difficult. You find yourself in the middle of a crossroad, clueless. You do not know where to go. You do not know where you're coming from. You are not sure of what you want. All you know is you have to introduce yourself again to the world and to new people. You have to prove again your worth, create new memories, create new relationships. You only want to listen to your heart, but you hear no words. You have no purpose.

Being in this situation is my greatest fear and it is where you'll find me now.


I. FEELING what-they-call LOST

I do not have a career plan. Like Neil Gaiman, I only keep a list of all the things I want to be or want to do and I check them along the way. Call me 'choosy' or 'ambitious' but I've decided to live my life like this - taking only the path wherein I'll learn, I'll contribute, while I also enjoy. This has its consequences.

One of them is the challenge I am in now: I am unsure. I do not know if the dreams in my list are still my dreams now. When I read through the list, I no longer find the excitement I used to feel. The only guide I have for this life suddenly felt like leading me somewhere I don't want to be. Is this feeling valid? Or am I just scared? Maybe my priorities changed? How would I know if this is my 'truth' now? How would anyone know?

This follow-up question is the scariest: okay... so, what should I do next?

If the dreams in my list are not what I want to be, then, what is it I want now? How would I plan or take actions when I don't even know what my goal is?


II. EMBRACING THE NOW

Don't get your hopes up. I'm still in this 'lost' phase so I'm not the best person to get advice from.

If you ask me though, I won't tell you to stay positive and smile because I know how dreadful and exhausting it is to force yourself to be optimistic all the time. I'd say FEEL THE MOMENT. You won't always be in that situation. You feel useless now. You feel bad now. You feel scared now or maybe scarred. It's okay. Embrace what you feel because soon it will end.

Sleep, rest, do what makes you feel good. Stop planning and taking control of everything. For now, you just have to let go and let God. Any minute, there will be answers. In a moment, you'll understand. Everything might not make sense now, but just hold on tight. It will be all right.


III. TAKING THE STEP

You might feel uneasy now. It's okay. I understand this isn't your comfort zone. I commend you, however, for the bold decision you made. See? You've always had that courage. You have it within you.

Starting is always terrifying, but give it a week, a month or two, okay, maybe three. You will eventually get tired of feeling lost for a very long time. You would crave and want to be someone capable and worthwhile again. You'd definitely be that one again. (You never lost it anyway). Soon. I promise. You will learn how to let go of the fear.

You have to do one thing though: you have to take one step every day. Staying where you are now won't lead you anywhere. How would they know you are a writer if you won't write? It doesn't have to be a big leap. A small step is fine. Send that inquiry. Finish that art. Turn on your laptop. Doodle. Go out for a walk. Bake that cookie. Post that photo. Send that resume. Attend that interview. It will be fine. Do any baby steps that will lead you to where you want to be or at least will help you determine what it is you are bound to become.

I always tell this to my friends: "every chance/action you take/make brings you one step closer to where you should be". Taking a step requires courage. Having a dream, staying true to it and to yourself will give you that courage. Work hard to have them. Work hard to determine/realize your life purpose.

There are different ways to view things. Yes, you have to introduce yourself again to the world and to new people. You have to prove again your worth, create new memories, and create new relationships. This also means you'll hear more stories, have new friends, and meet your new family. This time, you'll have new experiences and new achievements.

If it makes you feel better, everyone in this world does not know what he/she's doing too... so relax. You are not alone.

And btw, thank you for trying every day. Don't stop. Dream again. We will all figure it out. ;)

Stay strong. The world needs you! :*

This was a Yabang Pinoy pub mat back in 2014, the inspiration behind my video.

xxx

C.I.A
(Create & Inspire Always)




© Inah Solacito and www.inahrte.com, 2017. All Rights Reserved. All images and videos posted here are personal properties of Inah Solacito, unless otherwise stated. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Inah Solacito and www.inahrte.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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4 comments

  1. Ang dami kong feels sa video. Ang galing galing.

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    Replies
    1. Hugot na hugot kasi lamona hahaha. ♡ Salamat sa pagbasa, Dannabels. ;)

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  2. May katotohanan. Agree ako kay chang. Ramdam ko kasi feeling ko ganyan din ako. Nasa phase ako na takot na naman akong magsimula pero nararamdaman kong malapit na ulit itong panimulang ito para sa akin.

    Arra
    www.arraabella.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whatever you choose, remember that I'm always here for you! ;)
      Mahirap din ang phase ng pag-iisip at pagweweigh ng mga bagay-bagay, but there's no wrong decisions, just lessons learned. :)

      Your forever karamay,
      YannaBanana

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