Creative Writing

Excerpts from a mental journal I'll never write...

January 23, 2018

Or did I just do it?

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E N T R Y 1
JANUARY 8, 2018
Sa bus.

Habang nakatayo, sa gitna ng gitgitan, kasabay ang higit sa otsentang taong pauwi sa kanya-kanyang tahanan, para akong baliw na nakangiting nakatingin sa kawalan. Parang flashback at flashforward na nagsasayaw, dinaig pa ng bilis ng galawang Nervous System ang paggalaw ng mga brain cells sa aking medial temporal lobe. Ang saya ng sandaling pakikipag-usap sa mga kaibigang matagal ding hindi nakakwentuhan ay kung saan-saan na nga napunta. 

Replay of what happened.
Fast forward to what could've happened next.
Gawain na 'yan ni brain since magkaisip siya.

At kasing bilis ng pagpalit ng mga gusali sa bintana ng bus ang pagchange ng mood ko. Minsan deliks din ang masyadong pabibong imagination. Kung saan-saan ka dinadala. Parang kanina lamang ay bongga ang pagpapasalamat ko sa universe dahil sa labis labis na kasiyahan sa aking puso. Sa isang pitik ay nagtatanong na ako, bakit ako nandito? dito ba dapat ako? bakit kailangan rhyme lahat 'to? Nasa tamang bus naman ako, nasa tamang SLEX naman siguro ako, pero ang dami biglang tanong - you know, the kuro-kuro.

Kasabay ng mga tanong ay ang pagpasok ng mga maliliit na boses saying, "kaya mo 'yan, ikaw pa ba?" Ang hirap maniwala, lalo na kung buong buhay mong tinatanong: "ako ba talaga?"


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E N T R Y 2
JANUARY 11, 2018
Sa kotse.

Huwag kang magme-meditate sa loob ng isang bagong kotse. Baka ma-inhale mo ang lahat ng amoy 'bago'. Baka rin magbalik yung mga alaala mo noon sa una mong trabaho kung saan una mong naranasang umupo sa isang sasakyang parang pinaghalong bus at sinehan. Baka maalala mo yung oras na kabang-kaba ka, nanginginig habang pinepresenta sa iyong boss ang deck na ginawa mong 'ni hindi mo kayang i-explain dahil sa totoo lang ay hindi mo naman talaga naintindihan kahit ikaw ang gumawa. Pigilin mo ang paghinga upang kahit papaano ay mapigilan mo ring maalala yung mga oras na pupunta ka ng briefing na kailangan mong mag-astang marunong ka dahil hindi pwedeng magmukhang mahina, mas lalong hindi pwedeng magmukhang tanga.

Pero sige na nga. Huminga ka na.

Hayaan mo lang umagos ang lahat ng alaala para maalala mo rin kung gaano ka kahina noon at kung gaano ka katapang sa paningin nilang lahat ngayon.

Ngayon, kahit mag-isa sa loob ng kotseng bago, papunta sa kliyente mong hindi mo pa gaanong kilala, kaya mong huminga nang hindi nanginginig, nauutal, o nangangatal. Kinaya mo pa ngang ngumiti. O 'di ba? Parang eksena sa movie at ikaw ang artista. Pero teka, baka kung saan ka madala. Tandaan mo, hindi sa'yo ang sinasakyan mo.

Sana sa susunod magkaroon ka rin ng iyo. Yung iyong iyo. Iyong malaki rin sana, parang barko.


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E N T R Y 3
JANUARY 13, 2027

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT 
---[An Excerpt]---

INTERVIEWER: Who was Inah at 25?

INAH: 25. Hmm. 25 is such a good number. It is one of my favorite numbers... I don't know why. Maybe because I like the numbers 5 and 2. I also like 7 for unknown reasons, so if you ask for my favorite number, I'd say it's 75 because they look so good together. However, I'm not sure if they allow you to print the number 75 in basketball jerseys so instead I'd say put 25 'coz that's the second option followed by 23 and they allow it in basketball jerseys, right? Or not?

INTERVIEWER: (Awkward laugh) Um... Yeah... I think so?

INAH: What's your favorite number?

INTERVIEWER: Hmm. That's a difficult QUESTION TO ANSWER... (Awkward laugh)

INAH: Oh! Your question! What is it again?

INTERVIEWER: What were you doing when you were 25? What was your job then? Where were y-...?

INAH: Ah yes, yes, yes! I was jobless! I left a high-paying work without any backup plan when I was 25. All my rainy-days-savings were almost gone and like everybody else, I was going through this thing they call 'quarter life crisis'. I was going through it before I even started college. Weird, right? You see I'm a Disney baby plus I am an INFJ and those are extremely difficult labels to carry, I'm telling you. I grew up believing in my dreams, having a strong faith in people, trying my best to change the world and contribute in my little ways. I always give my heart in what I do. I did not expect other people to have such strong will as me 'coz not everyone is a Taurus, but it still is sad to know that only a few of us with 'the Disney heart' is left. What made it all more complicated was the fact that I was born during the Year of the Monkey! It was super draining.

I also had this theory that when you turn 25, you enter this big curse. Not everyone gets out of it. Some get drowned with it, only a few manage to break free. Anyway, I didn't know what to do with my life then. I actually wanted to do so many things that I don't know what's true anymore. 

I remember one specific night when I was 25. I was frying some spam for dinner. While waiting for it to cook, I googled: apartment, rent to own, Makati. I was checking if I can afford to live in my own space on my own. Who was I kidding? Everything was so expensive! I really hate Taurus' eye for style, and passion, and idealism sometimes. Anyway, so I decided not to continue with the search and turned to my Facebook feed instead. And you know what I saw? A classmate just bought his own condo! Made me think - what am I doing with my life? He just had his new home blessed and there I was with no job. Where was I? I was stuck in my parents' home creating my own world. My skin was acting up - pimples and dark spots everywhere, friends were creating their companies, friends were making their movies. More friends were getting engaged, building their family - they were not my priority yet by that time, but I just want to mention them to make it sound like I really was the poor little girl in the story, but the skin! Yeah! Make it your priority when you turn 25! Take care of it! Or regret later.

But you know, life is different for all of us. We may be from the same school, org, village, but we're not on the same journey. We must not compare because we each have a beautiful story written by the universe' best author. I may be jobless for almost half of my 25th year, but at the very same age, I launched my passion project - INAHRTE - which turned into a really big worldwide brand helping other people see self-expression as something positive, empowering dreamers, helping people start their journey with a heart. In that long jobless time, I get to introspect and know myself better, enabled myself to become a better person and a better professional, later on making me an adequate human to impart knowledge and stories as well as fuel the fire of other people. And that very same year was when I created my vision board which I have replaced with actual photos now because they all came true. 

Steve Jobs said, "you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards" and that's what we're doing now. Things might look like they're falling apart from your perspective now, but just like what they say, they are just falling in the right place. Have faith and trust the plan. Everything will be fine.

At ayun... nasunog yung piniprito ko kaka-imagine nito.





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E N T R Y 4
JANUARY 16, 2018

Bakit ginawa ng Diyos ang mga pusa?
Hindi sila kasing laki ng leon para maging hari ng gubat.
Lalong hindi nila pinaghaharian ang siyudad.
Hindi rin sila maaasahan sa pagbabantay ng bahay tulad ng isang aso.
Wala silang ginawa kundi magparami, kumain, at matulog.
Pero teka, ikaw ba?
Bakit ka Niya ginawa?



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E N T R Y 5
JANUARY 19, 2018

Minsan naisip ko... paano kaya nabuhay ang ibang tao noong 'Panahon ng Martial Law'? Yung mga taong hindi kuno naabuso (kahit na kalayaan nila ang naagrabyado), yung mga taong nagsasabing ok naman noon, yung mga taong walang pake at gumo-go lang with the flow. And then I realized, ah! Tulad pala natin. Tulad pala ngayon. 

Nakakaloko. 
Kilos-kilos din, mga Pilipino!





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E N T R Y 6
JANUARY 22, 2018




Usong-uso ngayon sa Facebook ang magshare ng screenshot of messages to tell a story - a story of romance, a story of hatred, a third party story or a failed relationship. Hindi ko naman alam kung bakit ang hilig kong makibasa. Mahilig siguro talaga ako sa kwento. (Chismosa ka, Inah, pinaganda mo pa - Teddy).

Madalas makikita mo ang mga salitang "mahal na mahal kita", "bakit 'di ka nagrereply?", "hinding-hindi kita ipagpapalit sa iba" kahit huling-huli na sa akto ang jowa. Minsan nakakatawa kung bakit marami pa rin ang nagpapauto sa mabubulaklak na salita, lalo na yung naka-type. Napakadali lang kaya nu'n isulat. Napakadali lang maglagay ng emoji o ng 'haha' kahit hindi ka naman talaga natatawa. Hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit hindi na lang sila mag-usap nang personal para mas totoo, mas sincere, mas mahirap lokohin.

Siguro nga, hindi lahat marunong o kayang maging expressive of their feelings through verbal communication, pero ano pa't naging magjowa sila at nagmahalan nang lubos kung hindi rin naman nila kayang mag-usap nang harapan.

Isang mahabang 'haaaay' na lang para sa mga bata't matatanda ngayon.
Ano nga bang pake ko? Buhay 'yan ng ibang tao. Teka, may another confession. BRB.



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E N T R Y 7
JANUARY 23, 2018

Akala ko na-train na ako ng UP sa pagiging 'patient'

Sa pagpila nang mahaba upang makakuha ng tuition discount via STFAP...
Sa pagbabakasakali at pagpapasikat - kanta, sayaw, arte para lang magka-subject...
Sa pagpretend na nakaupo ka sa jeep...
Sa pagharap sa daan-daang requirements ng lahat ng subjects na tila major...
Sa pagsali sa org hanggang sa pagtupad sa responsibilidad bilang miyembro...
Sa pagtitipid ng perang baon mo...
Sa pakikisama sa iba't ibang groupmate mula sa iba't ibang year level at iba't ibang kurso sa mga klase mo...
Sa hindi matapos-tapos na isyu ng pang-aapi at pang-aabuso ng kapitalismo at ng gobyerno...
Sa pagbabasa ng libo-libong pahina ng mga kwento't nobela...
Sa paghihintay na tamaan ka ng creative or critical thinking para sa paper mong due in 20 minutes...
Sa paglalakad (o minsan ay pagtakbo) under the sun (or the rain) from building to building to get to your next class...

At marami pang iba.
Pero mas marami pa pala. Mas marami pang magtetest ng patience mo sa mundo paglabas mo.
They'll make sure you won't get an uno.





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Inside my head is a difficult place to be. I hope you did enjoy a quick little glimpse of my musings (and understood why I'm such a complicated person/friend to know - you've been warned).
What's your favorite entry?
Should I share more entries from my journal?
Let me know your thoughts about my thoughts. Haha!

P.S. Sikreto (ᜐᜒᜃ᜔ᜇᜒᜆᜓ) lang natin 'to!



xxx

C.I.A
(Create & Inspire Always)




© Inah Solacito and www.inahrte.com, 2017. All Rights Reserved. All images and videos posted here are personal properties of Inah Solacito, unless otherwise stated. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Inah Solacito and www.inahrte.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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6 comments

  1. More!!! Love it!!! Makapagsulat nga rin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So I think pweds ko na ibenta mga journals ko kapag deads na me. Hahaha. Sulat ka na rin ng online journal so I can read! :P

      Delete
  2. Actually para lang chismisan on a normal day! Haha! :) Katuwa mabasa ang iyong thoughts, Yannaloves! More :p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oo nga 'no! Pero sa piling tao lang ako ganito makipag-usap hahahaha. :P
      Thanks, Jhanzey. ♡ I hope short story or script na ma-share ko next. #babysteps.

      Delete
  3. Naaliw ako dito. Actually ang rami nating thoughts na nasasayang kasi hindi naisusulat. Next time palagyan ng chismis. Charot!

    Naka-catch up din ako!!!! Yay!

    Arra
    Style Reader

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totoo 'yan! Yung iba naman naisusulat ko sa aking legit journal. Ipapabenta ko 'pag deads na ako. Charot. Minsan ang hirap din i-capture lalo na napadaan lang yung thought. Kailangan talaga may notepad near you every minute. :D

      Delete